


Faith, Trust, and...Amnesia?

by kksunflowerbaby



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, But you don’t remember, Cursed Reader, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Gen, Kinda follows canon, Neverland (Once Upon a Time), Reader-Insert, Romance, Teen Romance, Temporary Amnesia, Timeline Shenanigans, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kksunflowerbaby/pseuds/kksunflowerbaby
Summary: You and Pan were the leaders of Neverland. But you’ve been gone and don’t know who Pan is. Kidnapped by pirates in exchange for a deal in which you know nothing, you have to find out what is real and what is a lie.





	1. Hey One Question: What the Hell?

_You are running through a forest, laughing at something. Lungs burning with exertion, you push yourself farther. You hear someone behind you, calling your name, and you look over your shoulder. There was no one there._

_Turning forward, you stop short when you see a boy in front of you. He’s smirking, and says something about winning the game._

_“I don’t think so,” you say as you teleport to behind him, your knife pressed to his neck. “I win.”_

_“Maybe this time.”_

_You pull away as he laughs and you continue running, the boy right behind you. The sun is high in the sky and you don’t have a care in the world._

Blinking your eyes, you look at your alarm clock. Barely past eight. You stretch and yawn, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. 

_What a weird dream_ , you think to yourself. _So vivid_.

The alarm clock blares, announcing that it was 8:05am. You had to get out of bed to be able to get coffee before your morning lecture. Pulling on your favorite color sweater and jean shorts, you slip into your favorite shoes and grab your backpack from your chair. A minute later, you’re outside of your apartment and walking to the cafe down the block. 

It’s a warm morning and you hum a tune to yourself as you go. Once inside of the cafe, you order your normal drink and sit by the window as you wait for the barista to prepare it. The cafe isn’t too crowded; its pretty early. A painting of a forest on the wall of the cafe makes you think of your dream. It had felt so real; when you woke up you were surprised to be in your bed. 

“(Y/n)!”

You look up to see your drink ready and waiting for you. As you stand and go to grab it, another patron stands as well. You hadn’t noticed him before, he’s tall and has blonde hair. Your drink is the only one on the counter. Grabbing it, you turn on your heel and move towards the door. The boy moves as well, and you try not to feel nervous. 

Once outside of the cafe, you refuse to look over your shoulder to let him know you felt threatened. You duck your head down and walk faster, heading towards an alley coming up on your right. You would make it there before him, which was the plan. Turning the corner, you pull your Mace out of your bag. Since you were a woman living alone, you wanted to make sure you had protection at all times. 

The boy rounds the corner and is right where you want him. Your mace is uncapped and pointed right at his face, your other hand clutching the coffee. If necessary, you would throw the drink to the ground and fight with both hands. But you pray it won’t have to come to that. 

“What do you want?” You growl, staring him down. 

“(Y/n),” the boy says. “It is you.”

“Yeah, I’m (Y/n). What’s it to you?” He had been in the cafe when the barista called your name, it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. 

“We’ve been looking for you for ages,” he says cryptically. He takes a step forward and you raise the Mace even higher. He stops in his tracks. “It’s me, Felix.”

“Okay?” You make it obvious you don’t care what his name is. His face is strangely familiar to you, though. But if you had known him, you would have known his name. “Leave me alone, I don’t know who you are.” 

Felix frowns but otherwise does nothing. You back up a few steps and then turn, knowing he wasn’t going to follow you. You make it to class safely, but your focus isn’t on your lecture. It was on the strange boy who had claimed to know you. When your lecture is over, you walk back to your apartment. You take a different way that doesn’t take you by the cafe, however.

/////\\\\\\\\\

Pan watches her walk back to her “home.” But that isn’t her real home, her home was on the island with him. When Felix had told him that he had found her after all this time, he almost didn’t believe his right hand man. There had been so many false hopes over the years. But Felix is right and she was walking almost right past him. 

The urge to reveal himself and tell her he was there is almost overpowering, but he remains silent. If she hadn’t recognized Felix, one of her dearest friends for several decades, she wouldn’t remember him and he didn’t want to know the firsthand pain of staring into her eyes and seeing no emotion there. 

But he has to try.

/////\\\\\\\\\

You’re almost home when another boy calls your name. Still wary of the morning’s incident, the Mace was close to your hand. Turning, you see a different boy from before but more familiar than ‘Felix’ had been. Your head hurts suddenly while you stare at him, but you have no idea why.

“(Y/n),” the boy murmurs and you frown. Even his voice sounds familiar. 

You take a deep breath. The boy seems unarmed, but instinct tells you to stay on your toes. The dream from the night before pops into your head before you can stop it. 

“You really don’t remember me, do you?” The boy asks after you remain quiet. 

“No, I’m sorry,” you say, taking in his crestfallen expression. “I’m not who you’re looking for. But I hope you find her, whoever she is.”

As you’re turning to enter your apartment building, you think you hear him say, “But you’re who I’m looking for.”

It’s a weird feeling. You find yourself wishing you were who he was looking for, just so that he wouldn’t look so sad. But as familiar as he looks, you don’t know where you could know him from. And it’s dangerous to trust strangers, no matter how much they claim they know you. 

Your night goes by normally, completing the homework you had been assigned from your lecture during the day. Listening to music, you sing along quietly while focusing on your work. You make a simple dinner when you are hungry and then take a shower before turning in for bed. 

You don’t dream that night. When you wake up, you think it’s for the best. Enough weird things have been happening already. You don’t need anything else. But unfortunately, that’s just what you got. 

This morning, you have an even earlier morning lecture and get out of bed just past seven. You have your morning routine down pat and you’re at the cafe before you know it. As you enter, you look for either of the two boys who had spoken to you the day before. But no one is there. 

With your drink in hand, you walk to your lecture hall. It’s pretty empty on campus, so you don’t come across anyone until you’re in your building. Once lecture is over, you meet a friend for an early lunch. You don’t tell her anything of the weird stuff that has been happening; she would call you crazy. 

Walking home, you keep an eye out for the two boys, Felix and...you realize the other boy had never told you his name. Shaking it off, you reach your apartment building. You take the stairs, favoring the rickety steps to the elevator that doesn’t work too well. There are three men on the stairwell, basically blocking your way.

“Excuse me,” you say as you approach them. The trio turns and looks at you with wide eyes. 

_Are they surprised someone actually has to get past them?_ You mentally roll your eyes at the thought.

The men still aren’t moving and you’re officially annoyed. All you want to do is sit down on your comfy secondhand couch and maybe take a nap. And they are the only thing in the way of that.

“Well, Miss (Y/n), what a surprise,” the man closest to you says. His hair is dark and he has a beard and piercing eyes. He’s not unattractive, just too old for you. But that doesn’t matter right now. 

_How the hell does he know your name?_

“I can’t believe you really don’t remember anything,” the man continues, ignoring your bewildered expression. “And here I thought Pan would get to you first.”

The name strikes something in you, but you don’t know why. Your brows furrow in confusion. 

“Oh, my word,” the man says. He looks more surprised than ever. “Oh, that poor boy. They weren’t lying.”

“Get out of my way,” you spit, reaching for your Mace. You’re done with men saying that they know you. 

“That’s more like you, dear,” the man smiles. “Smee? Dave? Grab her, please.”

You try to move quickly and evade them, but the two men have your arms in their grip in no time. You can’t overpower them. The man who had spoken before laughs gleefully. “Pan has to give us what we want now that we have you.”

Who was he talking about? Who was Pan? Why did you know that name? Where were they taking you? 

The man on your right hits you hard across the face, making your vision go blurry and eventually fade to black. Your last thought was only one word.

 _Pan_.


	2. Emotions are for Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re going to...Neverland? And who is making the deal with Hook in exchange for you?

It’s dark and musty. Some sort of cloth is over your face, obscuring your vision and adding to your fear. There is a gentle rocking sensation that you can’t place. Slowly, you try to stretch out your legs and arms. Yours hands are tied behind your back and your ankles are bound together tightly. 

Cursing under your breath, you try to feel anything around you that could help you place where you are. You’re sitting on a hard surface, maybe...wood? It doesn’t feel glossy; it’s rougher than what you’re used to. Where the hell did those guys take you? 

A shiver of fear runs through you before you can stop it. Thinking back to the faces of the men, they were familiar to you. Like Felix and the boy who hadn’t told you his name, you feel like you know them from somewhere. But from where?

You have lived a normal life in Maine. You kept to yourself and kept your head down. And now within the past two days, there were three different incidents that made no sense. 

The sound of boots walking towards you interrupts your thoughts. You still, instinctively trying to gather as much information as you can about the person approaching you. You don’t know how, but you can tell by the sound of the boots that it was the man who had commanded the other men. He had been smaller than his companions. 

“Miss (Y/n),” he says, and you know you had been right. “How are you feeling? Not too seasick, I hope.”

_Seasick?_

Your face must have registered your surprise because the man laughs. 

“You heard me correctly, (Y/n),” he continues. “I’m taking you back home.”

“And where do you think that is?” You ask in as rude of a tone as you can manage. 

“Why, Neverland, of course! You’re the key to making Pan give me what I want,” he says, laughing. 

You remain silent, once again stumped by the name. The way he had said it made it sound obvious that you should know exactly who that is. But you couldn’t for the life of you.

A shout from above you rings out. “Land ho!”

“Showtime, darling,” the man says, and you hear the sound of his boots walking away from you. “Dave! Take Miss (Y/n) to the deck.”

Heavier footsteps come towards you and you panic. As the footsteps come closer, you kick both feet out to where you thought the man was standing. You connect with his shin bones and he curses loudly. Dave slaps you across the face again, which comes as a shock because of your blindfold. 

You cry out in pain before biting your lip. Dave curses again and roughly grabs your arm and lifts you off the floor. He’s much bigger than you, so it doesn’t seem hard to drag you up the steps that must lead to the deck. 

You hear the same man’s voice again once you’re further up the steps. “Welcome aboard the Jolly Roger!”

“I believe you have something of mine.”

It’s him! The boy who had asked if you didn’t remember him. You know his voice. Unexplainably, you want to call out to him. Dave tugs your arm one last time, harder than ever, and you hit the deck of the ship. The impact knocks your blindfold off and you blink against the sunshine. 

There are about a dozen or so men surrounding you, dressed in rags and dirty clothes. More than half of the, are barefoot. You recognize the man from earlier, who has dark hair and a beard. He’s wearing a large black coat that flaps in the wind.

Tilting your head, you see the boy from outside of your apartment standing on the railing of the ship closest to land. Behind him, you can see a large island overflowing with green wildlife. Focusing back on him, you take in his green shirt that matches the background behind him. His brown pants are dark and disappear into boots. 

He’s staring at you, a mix of emotions on his face. He’s handsome, there’s no denying that, but you aren’t used to the intensity coming from his expression. He looks simultaneously upset and angry while watching you try to move to a sitting position. After a long moment, he looks away. 

“As you can see, I do have that something of yours,” the man in the coat says. 

“I have eyes, Hook,” the boy spits cruelly. You’re surprised at the hatred in his voice. “What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” Hook says cryptically. “I think it’s a fair trade, don’t you?”

_What on Earth is Hook trading you for? And why is this boy willing to negotiate about it?_

“Not a fair trade,” the boy answers after a moment. He looks from Hook to you and then back. 

You draw your brows together in shock. _What? What did he mean by that?_

“She’s worth far more than that,” he continues, a neutral expression on his face. He keeps his gaze on the man in front of him. “And you know that, Hook.”

“Then there shouldn’t be an issue to trade her for such a small thing,” Hook says, obviously trying to change his tactics. “I’m just trying to give you what you want, Pan.”

 _Pan._

So that’s who he is. The name sounds so familiar, like you had heard it or said it many, many times before. You look at Pan more closely, trying to figure out why he is so damn familiar. As if he can feel your gaze, he looks from Hook back to you. His closed off expression changes to one slightly more open, and you intrinsically know that he’s holding something back.

“Deal,” Pan says. 

You blink in surprise. What did he just agree to?

Hook makes a grand gesture with his hand, flourishing it towards you. “She’s all yours.”

Pan regards him coldly for a long second before jumping down from the railing. He approaches you, moving lithely. Before you know it, he’s in front of you. He kneels, so that you’re eye to eye with Pan. He snaps his fingers and the ropes around your hands and ankles disappear. 

Before you can question how he had made the ropes vanish, he helps you to your feet, and you can’t ignore the spark you feel when you put your hand in his. In your mind, suddenly, what feels like a memory appears in your mind.

_You’re standing in a field of flowers. Pan is next to you, smiling widely. A breeze ruffles your hair and you look to Pan, grinning back, before leaning your head on his shoulder._

“Let’s get you home,” Pan says, putting an arm around your shoulders gently. Blinking, you focus on the boy in front of you. The vision had felt so real. Like your dream had. 

In an instant, you’re no longer standing on the ship surrounded by pirates. You’re in the middle of a camp of some sort, filled with tents and boys running around. They stop when they see you and Pan, and their faces are filled with surprise. 

But that doesn’t matter to you right now. What matters is that you might have just unearthed a memory with Pan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! I’m loving this series so far! I’m not going to follow canon as much as I could so I can put a bit of my own twist on it :)


	3. Only A Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan takes you to camp. Felix takes you on a tour and you make a discovery.

The memory had felt so real. Just like your dream just the other day. Could it be possible that they were indeed real? In all of your life, you had never felt anything as real as they had been. 

Pan is standing next to you, looking down at your surprised expression. He frowns, as if he had expected a different expression on your face. 

“Felix, take (Name) and help her remember where everything is. It’s been a while since she’s been here.” With that, Pan disappears from your side and you’re left to stare at the crowd of boys in front of you. 

The same boy from the coffee shop steps forward almost tentatively. Granted, the last time he had approached you, you had threatened him with mace. You study the boy’s features, unable to ignore the familiarity of them. Somehow, you know how he would look when he laughed or when he frowned. 

It’s a strange feeling. 

“Come on, we don’t have all day,” Felix says, gesturing for you to follow him. Keeping an eye on the boys still staring, you move to be by his side. He starts walking and you keep pace with him, unable to block out the whispers of the younger boys. 

“Is that really her?”

“I thought she had died—”

“Might as well have, it’s been over twenty years—”

_What_?

Felix hears their whispers as well and turns to glare at the boys. They silence themselves immediately and launch into whatever they had been doing before your entrance with Pan had interrupted them. 

“Twenty years?” You ask, turning to the tall boy. 

“It’s a long story, (Name),” he murmurs as he walks further from the center of camp. “But yes, we have been looking for you for over twenty years. Closer to thirty, actually.”

“But I’m only nineteen,” you answer, confused. “How could you—”

“You’ve been nineteen for a very long time,” Felix cuts you off. “Not including your time on Neverland.”

“Neverland?” You parrot.

Felix frowns. “The curse did a number on you, didn’t it?”

“Curse?”

“This is getting old, (Name).”

A surge of anger makes you stop in your tracks. “Oh, it’s getting old for you? I have no idea where I am and why I’m here! But you’re right, it sucks that you’re tired of explaining something to me that I don’t understand because I have no idea where I am!” 

Felix is quiet for a moment and then gives a small chuckle. “That sounds more like that (Name) I know. Listen, I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything in due time, alright? But right now my orders are to show you around the camp. Let me do that and then I’ll answer some questions.”

“Deal,” you reply. 

Felix does as he said he would. He shows you the entire camp, from the weapons cache to the bonfire to the tents. He explains how every boy there is someone who was ‘lost’ from the real world, where the pirates had taken you from. Ten minutes later, you’re back where you had started. 

“Alright, I keep my word. What are your questions?” Felix sits on a stump by the extinguished fire. 

Joining him, you begin your questions immediately. “Why am I here?”

“Over a century ago, you were in the real world but felt lost. The shadow brought you here and you joined the Lost Boys. You and Pan got along very well. Twenty eight years ago, Pan sent you on a mission. You disappeared. And we didn’t see you again until I found you. The pirates want something from Pan, and knew he would give them it in exchange for you. That’s why you’re here.”

_A century ago_...That’s just not possible.

“If that’s true, then why don’t I remember that?” Somehow, you feel like Felix is telling the truth. You can’t describe it. 

“There was a curse at the same time you were on the mission. It affected a lot of other people as well. I think they’re still under the curse, which would explain why you don’t have your memories. That’s the theory we’re working with.”

“And why would Pan send me on a mission? Why did he exchange something important for me?” That’s the real question you have been dying to ask. Why were you so important to the mysterious boy?

“That’s enough questions for now,” the familiar voice says from behind you.

Both you and Felix turn to see Pan standing there with no expression on his features. Felix stands immediately and nods before trotting off to somewhere else in the camp. You stand as well, and look at Pan. For a split second, there’s something soft in his eyes before he blinks and it’s gone. 

“Pan,” you say, testing his name in your mouth. Just as you had thought, it rolls off your tongue as if you had said it thousands of times before. If you had been in Neverland for over a century before, it would make sense.

Felix is definitely telling the truth. 

“(Name),” Pan replies in a monotone. 

“Thank you for saving me.” You aren’t sure what else to say. It feels like you and Pan are the only people on the island. The noises of the background have faded out and all you can focus on is the boy in front of you. 

“I made a promise a long time ago,” he says cryptically. “And I keep my word.”

You furrow your brow. Without telling them to, your feet carry you closer to him. As you draw nearer, Pan stiffens. 

Shaking your head, you blink and tell him, “I have an idea. Trust me?”

A moment passes before Pan nods slightly. 

When he had brought you from the pirate ship, he had wrapped his arm around your shoulder. When he had done that, the memory of the field of flowers had popped into your head. If you were to touch him again, would it work twice?

You step even closer, so that you and Pan are breathing the same air. His expression is still neutral, but he’s breathing a bit quicker than he had before. With your left hand, you reach up and place it on his cheek. The skin is warm and somehow feels natural to you. 

As soon as you touch him, you see a memory. 

_It’s late at night. The stars, more than you had ever seen before, sprawl across the sky and light up the jungle around you. You’re sitting on a cliff, high up on the island. It’s the most beautiful view you have ever seen. Pan is sitting next to you, idly toying with your hand._

_“—in training earlier today. You improved,” he was saying._

_“It helped that I had someone show me how to hold the sword properly,” you chuckle._

_“Once you figured that out, you were a natural,” Pan turns to look at you, smiling. “You just needed a little help.”_

_“Thank you,” you say, smiling back at him._

_“I’ll always help you when you need it,” Pan says, looking back to the view in front of you. “I promise.”_

Drawing back from Pan, you take your hand back. You blink three times, frowning as pain ricochets through your head. 

“(Name)?” Pan sounds worried, so unlike his neutral expression he has. 

“I’m fine, it’s just...”

“What is it?” He asks, stepping closer to fill the gap you had put between the two of you. 

“I remember you telling me that promise. And something about a field of flowers. It’s just snippets, but it’s only when I touch you.”

“Come with me,” Pan murmurs, taking your arm and bringing you closer to him. The scenery around you changes and you look around, trying to see where he had taken you. When you realize where you are, you can’t believe your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a late update, but here is the next chapter! Let me know what you think :)


	4. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan takes you to your favorite place and the pirates try something.

It’s the field of flowers from your memories. Flowers of every color and size are spread out as far as you can see. The only word to describe it is magical. You take a few steps into the field and kneel next to the closest flower. It’s your favorite, in your favorite hue of your favorite color. You look back over your shoulder to see Pan watching you. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper, standing and facing him fully. 

“It’s your favorite place on the island,” Pan says quietly. “Or, it was.”

A sad expression crosses his features and instinctively you go to his side, wanting to help him. Not knowing what to say, you stand by his side, waiting for him to explain his silence. Intrinsically, you know to wait until he’s ready to talk. You don’t know how you know, but you do. 

“This was the last place I saw you before you left,” he finally says. “I told you what you had to accomplish, because I knew you could do it, and you agreed. I told you...I told you goodbye and then you were gone. I didn’t see you for twenty eight years. I thought you had died or that someone had hurt you. I thought I had lost you and now you’re here with me but I still don’t have you because you don’t remember the last century.”

His neutral expression is nowhere to be seen. He looks mournful, and so sad that you reach for him and bring him to your chest in a tight hug. It’s your first reaction and you choose to go with it. For a moment, Pan does not move. Slowly, he wraps his arms around you and hugs you back. 

You aren’t trying to find memories or figure out what you are doing here, even though you should be. You’re simply trying to comfort the boy in front of you. His voice had been so sad when he talked of how you had left. You wish you could make his pain go away, but paradoxically you are still causing him pain by simply being here. 

“I’m sorry, Pan,” you whisper into his ear. 

“So am I,” comes his response. He pulls away and regains his mask. “I have to check on something, but stay here as long as you’d like. Nothing in this field will harm you. Here’s a way back to camp, just in case.”

He hands you a worn piece of paper. The moment that it touches your hand, a map comes to life on it. You can see the trail leading through the forest leading to the camp which is now your new home. 

Pan makes a surprised noise when the map appears. “At some level, you still know who you are.”

“What?” 

Pan shakes his head. Before he disappears, he mumbles, “Nothing.”

And he’s gone. 

What an enigma. You look back at the field. It’s so beautiful that you almost can’t believe your eyes. Walking forward, you let your hand graze against some of the flowers growing towards the path. A light breeze blows by, bringing the scent of flowers you can’t even name. The sun shines down on you and you feel peace. For the first time since seeing Felix in the cafe almost two days ago, you feel peace. Nothing matters but the flowers and the sunshine and how happy you feel here. 

No wonder Pan had said this was your favorite place on the island. You would love to stay here for as long as you can. And you do. You wander the paths winding throughout the fields of never-ending flowers, letting your mind wander. 

You were in Neverland. Actual Neverland. You met Pan, Hook, Felix, and the Lost Boys. And surprisingly, you don’t question it. While it’s disorienting as hell not having your memories of this place, you feel comfortable and at home. Especially in the field of flowers. You must have spent a lot of time here for such an overwhelming feeling of peace to flood over you. 

And the memory had been of you and Pan enjoying the field together. Lying your head on his shoulder. Felix had mentioned how you and Pan had gotten along very well. And earlier today, when you had laid your hand on his face to find another memory, it hadn’t feel invasive or too intimate. It had felt normal and natural. 

Just how close had you and Pan been before you had left Neverland? Was it possible that you and him had...been in a relationship? 

If that was true, that would explain why he had traded something important to get you back from Hook. But what had he traded? 

The sun that had once been high in the sky is setting in the horizon. Orange and red streaks cut across the sky, making the beautiful flowers take on a totally different hue than they had been before. You should get back to camp. 

The map Pan had given you is still folded in your hand. You open it and study it carefully, making sure that the path you wanted to take was indeed the right one. It is, and you regretfully leave the field of flowers. You promise yourself that you’re going to come back as soon as you can. 

The map takes you through the forest where light is quickly fading. You pick up the pace and find yourself at camp just under fifteen minutes later. The boys are running around, taking care of their things and chores. Felix is sitting by the now-lit fire and you join him on the log stumps. 

“Hey,” you greet him as you sit down and let the warmth of the fire wash over you.

“Hey, (Y/n),” he says, giving you a smile before turning back to the fire. “Where have you been all day?” 

“The field of flowers,” you answer, already wishing you could go back there. Maybe first thing in the morning. 

Felix doesn’t say anything for a long second. He turns to you with furrowed brows. “On the north side of the island?” 

The map had indicated for you to go south to get back to camp. “Yes.”

Felix raises his eyebrows. “And Pan took you there? He hasn’t been there in years.”

Now you were getting confused. “Yeah, after I remembered something he had said a while ago.”

“What had he said?” Felix questions. 

“Something about always helping me when I needed it,” you tell him truthfully. “Why? How long ago had that happened?”

“That was within the first month of your time on the island,” Felix says after a moment. “That’s an old memory. Have you had any others?” 

“The one in the field of flowers. We had been laughing about something. Felix, what’s going on?”

Felix shakes his head. “Never mind. I just had an idea that your memories were coming back chronologically. But if the other memory was you in the field than that’s not it.”

“How long ago was the field of flowers? Do you know?”

Felix shrugs. “That’s a question for Pan. He knows more about the flowers than I do.”

Just as you’re about to ask him more, Pan materializes next to Felix. All of the boys surrounding the campfire jump to attention. You look up to him and see his expression is not one that you have seen in a long time.

His eyes are a bit wild and he’s grinning widely. A sword is in his right hand. He turns to face everyone and shouts, “Come on boys, it’s time to play. The pirates think they can come on the island and we’re going to stop them!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this might be the quickest update of all time. Let me know what you think :)


	5. Pirates and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan goes to take care of the pirates while three young ones tell you of your past time on the island. Pan makes a promise.

Pan’s words energize all of the boys into action. They hoot and holler as they gather their weapons, sprinting around the fire. You watch wordlessly as the Lost Boys become warriors in front of your eyes. The two boys that had been smiling about something in front of the fire moments earlier are now wielding small swords in their tiny hands. 

Within seconds, the camp looks entirely different. Pan is surveying the progress, scanning the boys as they get ready. His gaze zeroes in on three younger boys trying to combine their strength to pick up a large hunting spear. He approaches them.

“Now, lads, why are you trying to lift this?”

The smallest ones answers, “We’re going to fight the pirates.”

“You’re going to be staying here, protecting the camp. The bigger boys will handle the pirates, but the biggest job is making sure they have a place to come home to. That will be your duty; wear it well,” Pan orders gently. 

As he walks away from the three boys, he sees you watching him. He’s next to you in an instant. “Look after them.”

You give him a surprised look. 

“I know this has been confusing for you,” he murmurs over the din of the shouting boys. “If it wasn’t for that damned curse, you would be with me, leading the charge. But I need you here to watch over them. I don’t know how much you remember about defending yourself and others.”

You try not to feel defeated as you shake your head. “You know how much I remember. I told you everything I know.”

“I won’t let the pirates any more inland than they already are. I won’t lose you again,” he says intensely, staring into your eyes. “Stay here and stay safe.”

Acting on instinct, you reach up and cup his cheek. His skin is warm and familiar. “Be careful, Pan. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He leans into your touch for an instant before straightening up and moving away. He turns to the boys, acting as if nothing had happened, and booms, “Let’s play!”

The boys who were part of the charge thrust their weapons into the air and take off running in the direction of the beach, if you remember correctly. Soon, their voices fade away and you’re surrounded by silence and three young boys. 

“And what are your names?” You ask, trying to break the ice. 

“Marshall!”

“Jim!”

“Theo!”

“Well, I’m (Name)!” 

“We know who you are,” the smallest one, Theo, exclaims. 

Furrowing your brow, you take a seat in front of the campfire and the three boys follow suit. “What do you mean, you know who I am? I haven’t been here very long.”

“We heard stories about you,” Marshall almost whispers. He looks to be around eight or nine, the eldest of the three. “Some of the boys would talk about you when Pan or Felix weren’t around.”

Curiosity gets the best of you and you ask, “What did they say?”

“As long as we won’t get in trouble,” Jim cuts in, looking towards Marshall. They look alike, and might be brothers. 

“You have my word; I won’t say a thing,” you promise. 

Theo looks to Marshall and Jim before starting. “Well, they said you were the Queen of Neverland.”

“You and Pan were partners in crime,” Marshall continues. “Apparently you would go on all types of adventures all over the island. Felix would be in charge of the camp when you were gone.”

It’s strange to hear them describe you when you don’t remember it. You try to imagine what those adventures could have been, but your mind comes up blank. To say that it’s frustrating wouldn’t begin to describe it. 

“How did you three end up on the island?” You ask, not wanting to hear about your apparent past when you couldn’t even fathom it. 

They launch into their stories immediately, almost drowning each other out. You were right, the three of them were brothers. Their father had left the mother, who didn’t take care of them. Pan had brought them to Neverland so that they would be happy and safe, which they were now. 

Almost an hour later, their eyes are drooping. Theo has fallen asleep and Marshall and Jim aren’t far behind. 

“Let’s get you guys to your tents,” you tell them, and escort them to their beds. After making sure they were in their beds and taken care of, you bid them goodnight and close the flap to their tent. 

The camp looks larger when there’s no one there but you. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you go back towards the center of camp. The fire is burning low and providing less than the suitable amount of heat. Turning your back on it, you circle the camp slowly. Familiarizing yourself with your surroundings sounds like the best idea at the moment. 

The sound of boys’ voices fill your ears and you turn towards the noise. The Lost Boys are back! _And that must mean Pan is back as well._

Boys erupt from the plant life surrounding the camp and you smile at their safe return. Despite being here for such a short time, you feel a kinship to the boys. Somehow you know you would feel hurt if something had happened to any of them. 

Felix comes into sight. He has a cut lip but is wearing a smirk, so whoever had gone up against him must have lost. He sees you and gives a small nod. You smile back and he continues through towards the other side of camp. 

You feel a warm presence next to you and turn to see Pan barely a foot from you. His warm hands cup your cheeks, surprising you. Pan isn’t closed off like usual, but is grinning. 

“Glad you’re safe,” he murmurs, his voice husky and close to your face. 

You smile at him, feeling more peaceful. “You, too,” you tell him, meaning every word. “What happened?”

“Nothing we couldn’t take care of,” Pan answers cryptically. He drops his hands from your cheeks but stays close. “How are the boys?”

“Already asleep in their tent. They were angels,” you murmur. 

“Of course they were, you were with them,” Pan replies before frowning. “Sorry.”

“What for?” You ask, genuinely curious about his sudden mood change. 

“I can’t explain it,” he says, shaking his head. “You don’t have your memories, so what I say must not make much sense. One of these days, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

You look to him with wide eyes. Did he mean it? Would he tell you everything that had happened when you were last in Neverland? Would he explain why he felt so familiar to you?

“But not right now. The pirates are going to continue giving us trouble for a while. I need to be able to handle them,” he says. 

Nodding, you reply, “I understand.”

Felix appears at your side. “Your tent is ready. I had some of the boys set it up earlier but now it’s finished.”

You smile and thank him before turning back to Pan. He’s studying you. 

“Goodnight, (Name).”

“Goodnight, Pan.”

You follow Felix through camp to your camp, where you hope to fall into a dreamless sleep. You were wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a long hiatus, but here's the next chapter! Hope you like it! 
> 
> Reviews are my lifeblood and make me write faster :)


	6. It Was Against My Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You remember more, and Pan shares his side of the story.

_The field of flowers shines under the moonlight. The sky is cloudless, bathing you and Pan in silver light. He is frowning, staring off at the horizon. Your hand is in his and you squeeze it, hoping to reassure him._

_“I didn’t want to have to ask you to do this,” he mutters, his voiced laced with regret._

_“You know I’m the only one who can do it,” you reply, looking away from the flowers so you can face him. “It’ll only be a week.”_

_“A lot can happen in that time.”_

_“Whatever may happen is worth risking. Do you know what will happen if I don’t go? If I don’t try to save everyone?” You reach up with your other hand to cup his face and force him to look at you. “Pan, don’t lose faith now.”_

_“I don’t want to lose you.”_

_It is a moment of vulnerability. While they may be rare, they still happen. For Pan to voice his concern so openly and adequately only speaks of the depths of his fear._

_“Do you know how much it would take for me not to come back to you?” You smile at him. “I love you, Pan. Nothing would ever keep me from you.”_

You wake up to the memory of feeling his hands cup your face. Blinking, you take in your unfamiliar surroundings until you remember you’re in a tent, on Neverland. With the Lost Boys and with Pan and with the pirates and with Hook. And it’s not a dream. 

Getting out of your cot, you pull on your shoes and pull your hair behind you in a ponytail. A warmth fills you, and you somehow know this is a normal hairstyle for you here. It is the damnedest feeling of not knowing who you are but being able to feel when you do something right. 

You can hear the chatter of boys outside your tent and go to join them. Lifting the flap of the tent, you come out to see boys running around, but not with panic. They are happy. They are free. 

Birds chirp and you can hear the crackle of the fire towards your left. Smelling breakfast, you find your feet taking you there before you can think about it. 

Felix is manning the fire and looks up when you approach. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Felix. Eggs?” You sit next to him. 

“The usual,” he mutters, and then smiles to himself. “Not that you’d remember.”

“Funny.”

“I’ll have you know that I pride myself on my humor,” he retorts, sliding you a plate with eggs on it. 

“Lord knows why,” you chuckle, accepting the meal. 

Feeling eyes on you, you look up to see Pan on the other side of the campfire. His expression is guarded, as it has been the past day and a half, but you can see a little bit more than before. His eyes aren’t completely emotionless. You give him a small smile, remembering how vulnerable he had been in your dream last night. Or had it been another memory?

“Any more memories?” Felix asks from besides you, somehow reading your mind. 

“What? How did you know?” You break eye contact with Pan to look at his right hand man. 

“I didn’t, but you just told me that you did,” he replies flippantly. “Go on then, what did you remember?” 

“It’s…private,” you say, somehow knowing Pan wouldn’t want anyone to know of how open he was with you.

“Good, I don’t want to hear about any of _those_ memories,” Felix mutters, wrinkling his nose. 

For a moment, you’re quiet, until you realize what he had meant. “No, Felix, not like that! God! It was just a moment I don’t think Pan wants shared.”

“And what moment was that?” Pan’s voice comes from next to you, surprising you. 

Turning to him, you meet his gaze. “I…I think it was our last conversation. In the flowers.”

_You had told him you loved him_. 

So you and him had been together. Along with what Felix had said, you had no doubt. Sometime in the last century, you and Pan had been in a relationship. And you can’t remember anything about it. 

“You were right to keep that private,” Pan says, drawing you out of your thoughts. “Felix, gather those who were with us last night.”

Felix stands and goes off to follow the order. Pan takes the seat he had vacated and grabs a plate for himself. “How much do you remember?”

“We were in the field, and we were talking about the mission you wanted me to do. You were saying that you didn’t want me to have to do it, but I told you that I was the only one who could. Is that what happened?” 

He nods. “Almost word for word. Anything else?”

You hesitate for a moment. “You said you didn’t want to lose me.”

Pan doesn’t move or react for almost a minute. Finally, he blinks and exhales. “Yes, I did tell you that. Do you remember what you said after that?”

“That it would take a lot to keep me from returning to you. And that…”

“‘And that’?” He questions. 

You know that he knows what you’re going to say, but he wants to hear you say it. He wants you to be the first one to acknowledge the weight of the memory. 

“That I loved you.”

“And then you left,” Pan says, staring into the fire. “I didn’t see you for twenty eight years after that night. For a long time, I thought that you had been hurt. Or you had died. I looked for you, but never found anything. Not a trace. 

For a time, I thought that you had chosen not to return. That the only reason I couldn’t find you was because you didn’t want to be found. But then, Felix did find you, but you didn’t remember him. You didn’t remember…me. And I wasn’t sure if it was your choice or not, until I saw the way you looked at me on Hook’s ship. 

I could always tell what you were thinking. How you felt. You were an open book to me. And on that ship, I knew you didn’t know who I was. Hell, you probably don’t know who I am right now. But I promise, (Name), I will not give up until you have your memories back. I will not lose you.”

Pan’s speech takes your breath away. You didn’t expect him to tell you so much in so little time, but after the memory, it made sense. 

“I think it was against my will,” you whisper. Pan furrows his brows, confused, and you continue. “However I lost my memories, it was against my will. In my dream, no, memory, I knew how I felt. I did love you in that memory. I meant every word I had said. However this happened…it was against my will. I can feel that and know it to be true. But I want you to know that.”

Pan is silent for a beat and then nods. “Thank you, (Name).”

Felix reappears behind his shoulder and he stands. “We have pirates to take care of. Boys, let’s play!”

Pan leaps up and leads the charge, leading the boys away from the camp and towards certain danger. You feel a pang of sadness when you realize he didn’t say goodbye to you the way he had last night; cupping your cheek. 

But it’s only the second day on the island. You have a feeling that everything will change before too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work had a long hiatus! I'm back now, and more ready to write than ever! Thank you so much for being so patient. 
> 
> Leave a comment if you have any thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> New reader insert! I have some great ideas for this series. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Reviews are my lifeblood, leave a comment!


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